The Blues~ say Bye Bye!!!

Blues, buried in my heart for quite some time already.
A period of time that I don't even notice and figure it out.
On this day, I promise, I'll left the blues to last year.
For I will move on and on...
Bye bye The. Blues.
May Happiness Always be with you.

Touched

It's Good Friday! As usual, we went for church services on this day. But the amazing part of this Good Friday is I can feel that God is trying to speak to me. I admit that, it's been a really long while ever since everyone that prayed for me, keep telling me that God wants to speak to me. I listened to them but somehow the message didn't got into me. Maybe I was afraid. Afraid of all the circumstances I have to face if I silence myself down. Or maybe God knew and waiting for the right time.

I heard a voice and had a vision that. God is telling me to open up myself. There is a vision of me hugged by a man and I lay my head upon his shoulder. A very quick and clear vision, and a very clear voice telling myself to forgive my own. The voice continue saying, "I've come and paid it all for you, my dear. Why can't you just forgive yourself, Rona. and stop." I asked back, "teach me, how to open up my heart." But the voice, " open up your heart, and forgive yourself." keep on repeating, as well as the vision came for the second time.

It just ended up that way, I didn't told anyone about it as I'm not sure who to turn to. But, in that few minutes, I felt really comforted.

I label this as Toughest part of my life as well because the thing that has been keeping and pulling me for all this while is the most tough happening in my life till I could hardly let it go and forgive myself.

It's Me or It's You?

As time flies, everything that goes around turn to be different. Hope, believe, and honesty, and also wealth, it all turned to be different. The person that I used to be known has changed. Things that usually happen doesn't turn up. Whether is it the way I looked at this world changed? Whether am I mature enough to evaluate? or am I still the one that thinking childishly? Human's nature, when surrounding changed dramatically, we could either felt comfortable or uncomfortable. Smile or Tears at the end of the day.

I choose to smile every morning when i woke up. Treat everything as usual as it is, and try to make every single seconds of my day, happy. But still, I hate to be alone. Especially at night. I remembered Britney Spears' "Lucky" (i'm not her fan anyway), and that's the way I felt mostly, at the end of the day. I couldn't help myself. I'm lucky, that most of the time, I am the last one to sleep in the nite. At least, no one will get worry. Sometime, I thought, maybe it's just too much anxiety. Too much and it's time to let go, and make it fast. I wish I knew how to let go some of my pieces.

Here's a quote I goggled and finds it quite match with my situation now. Enjoy~ 
"I believe we are still so innocent. The species are still so innocent that a person who is apt to be murdered believes that the murderer, just before he puts the final wrench on his throat, will have enough compassion to give him one sweet cup of water. "-Maya Angelou

The Day You choose to LET GO

It's been months... we never had a nice conversation after I came bck from your convocation. Is distance really matters to you? Or izzit we'll have to see each other everyday to get close? Whenever I flash back the moments when we're still young,it's just so sweet and beautiful. But now, it's getting bitter and even tasteless. Till today.. u've make a decision that I wouldn't even think of it. Perhaps, everything changed after u ended ur student's life. I noticed My advice, my comment, my idea and my sharing have turned to craps and useless words since the last few months. Maybe God answered my prayer this time. Maybe God made known that u're not the one for me this time. From now on~ BYE BYE to my status and WELCOME BACK to my single life. Life is still wonderful and always be wonderful i believe.

Sunday 20th Sept

I realize I often flash back to all the first time we've been together these few days. Maybe I miss him, I miss those days too much or maybe I'm fighting with my inner-self and felt like I need someone to be beside me, just to make myself feel better?? This semester is totally unpredictable, I felt like everything is a mess neither physically, mentally nor spiritually. I felt like I don't really know what am I doing sometimes. Often, I need to cheer up myself to let my working mood turned on. Sometime I do worry about myself, am I going to grade or not??
I felt sorry for my cg, coz I'm not that available not that active as the semester before. I found it hard for me to find a time that I could just totally focusing for them. But then, my mind set the intention, set the image of it but my heart felt guilty and sorry for them that I'm always full of worries about my studies and often neglected them. I asked God to help me each day, in leading and guiding this cg and I believe He is finding a way for me or maybe He did prepared a way but then it's not the right time to show?? I have no idea...

Lonely

I guess I know how terrible it is when we felt lonely, I used to felt that way during my first year in university. Yea... I'm not a good socialize person indeed. I'm not good at jokes and always the blur one. especially when I'm with someone that I'm not familiar with, I'll be very quiet. That's me. I grown up in a world that is surrounded by boys and I really cannot accept it at first when most of my friends is girls including my coursemate (only 3 boys). It doesn't mean that I don't like to be with girls and I don't have any girls friends. It just that I couldn't really believe in girls when I share my personal thingy. Yea... I've been threatened by plenty of my girls friends and I just couldn't believe in girls promise for keeping secrets. Some girls even spread the nonsense gossip about me during my secondary school and I don't even know what's the reason. Girls hurt me a lot during my teenage life that's why I'm always more comfortable with boys. Even my house is full of boys!!! XD My first year is the toughest time thoughout my campus life, especially when it comes to facing the sadness of my broken relationship. I cried for 3 months for that... secretly of coz. Hehe... But then really comforts me is when my previous cg leaders came and approached me that time. Anyhow, I still have to face and overcome it on my own. That's the only reason I refuse to fly back home during my semester break actly. I knew I need time to adjust myself back to normal, and by doing it with an easier way is to distance myself from places that is full of his and mine memories. Yea... I was very lonely that time, and I keep reminding myself that no matter what I have to move on, I have to forget. Somehow, I manage to burried that sadness in the deepest part of my heart and forget about it after some time. Well, it's still hurt sometime when I think of it but life is like this. It's part of me, part of my memories and part of what's God has planned. Althou, it has been the most lonely time of my life that no one could have help and physically accompanied me (Why?? Because there's a secret behind it..), anyhow it teaches and complete me I guess.