This morning, when my malay coursemate asked my frens why they don't wanna go their open house and my frens answer was becoz of me. Because I didn't go then no one fetch them. I was so disappointed to hear that, they just beside me. My mind starts to wondering, do they ever think of how I'll felt when they said it that way? I did asked them whether they wanna go or not. I put their answer first to decide whether want to go or not but then... last last they throw the blame on me. I understand that they do care about what my coursemate think of them. But then, I couldn't understand that if you know you care about what people think of you then how come you don't know that I also do care about what others think of me if you said it that way?? I felt moody, sad and disappointed but then I just keep myself silent and think about what have I done, is it wrong? Is it I'm too sensitive to feel this way? Maybe they just being selfish??
Thinking about the 'selfish' because of the matter above, suddenly my mind flashed back the few mistakes that I have made... Each of us will always be controlled by our emotions i guess. Few years back, I was lost cause I couldn't bear the pain of fallen out of my last relationship. The pain changed me. I turn to be not believing in any relationship and was trying all my best to protect myself from being in love with someone. Relationship was just all about pain and disappointment. What's the used of fall in love if it's always hurt me back?? For years, I felt this way and I did some mistakes in thinking this way. Anyhow, it's lucky that I didn't go far away. Thank God that He still loves me and shows me the way to turn myself back. I admit I was wrong. I admit I did hurt someone because of this and I'm sorry for being such selfish. Not to say, the pain I suffer, the fear in me is totally gone now. The scars is still there, inside me. I learned how to live with it, how to be a better person from someone I meet during my practical and I meet another person that made me strong and brave enough to stepped out of it this year. It's God's mercy that rain upon me. He's always there protecting me from any harm. He never leave me even I'm always stubborn enough in going against Him. Maybe some people will felt bad about me but so do I. I admit because I know I'm wrong and I'm not proud of it. I admit it because I don't wanna forget the mistakes that I did, I wanna remember it and I'm willing to change from it. That's all I could say.
Night, when the sun is about to set, I told myself, "forgive and forget before sunset, then life would be much wonderful." and loving each other is all we need to learn....
October 8, 2009
October 6, 2009
Can't Sleep Well
I can't sleep well last night, and I'm not sure about the reason. I felt kinda moody last tonite, after sharing all my problem with Brian after dinner. It's good to share and have someone that will to listen to you but then the problem keep flashing in my mind after I shared that's why it makes me moody I guess. I was rushing for my assignment and presentation until 3.30am but then I don't felt like sleeping after that. Well, who wanna sleep at this mood anyway? Sleeping in moody state during night always end up bad dreams and can't really rest my mind. That's why I don't felt like sleeping.
Anyhow, everyday is a brand new day!! I'll try to enjoy my day today... ^^ Going to class now...
Anyhow, everyday is a brand new day!! I'll try to enjoy my day today... ^^ Going to class now...
September 30, 2009
Sick...
Day 1
Suddenly after enjoying my holidays at cameron highlands, I got sick on Monday afternoon.
I was still able to chit-chat with him on that afternoon even thought I'm really sleepy and keep on sneezing. I felt asleep half-way chatting but then as usual, he never blame, never scold every time I accidentally slept half way chatting and I'm always grateful of that. I knew being such a understanding and tolerate with me is not an easy job... ^^ It's almost evening time that my headache became more more pain and I became more ans more dizzy. I was nervous and tears start to flow out of my eyes, keep sending sms seeking for help from friends but no one replied make it worst for me (because that is our nap time). Thank God after half an hour of sms-ing, mee na replied me. ^^ and take me to clinic. Thank You mee na...
Nite, one of my coursemate was shock when she got into my room, because I was totally weak and pale, she looks worry but then I was too tired, too weak to talk to her. So, I just ignore her. ^^
Day 2
I sms-ed ah jeng to ask her to company me to clinic again today cause I felt I'm getting worst from last nite. I remembered I suffer headache and dizzy at 3am until I felt like I'm half dead oredy but then I didn't call anyone cause I don't wanna interrupt anyone selfishly. Early morning jeng came, my tears was flowing when she opened the door, after so much suffer from dizziness, a friend beside and comfort me is the most I could appreciate. We called taxi to bring us to clinic. This time, doctor said I got virus fever which causes me to felt totally weak and sometimes the pains come and sometime it goes away. If this situation continue that way, then I might have to inject H1N1 injection just in case I'm infected by it.
I slept for the whole afternoon after I came back from clinic. Only wake up to had my lunch and medicine then sleep back. Prescilla and mee ching help me in completing our group presentation in my room and I'm grateful that I've them to help and keep me on track during this period. Although, I'm sick so badly but then I still arrange gathering dinner for my cg. I didn't told you bout this because I guess you'll gonna stop me from doing it if you knew it. I even ask jeng to company me to drive bumble bee to Brian's college just to make everything easier for him and me when I need someone.
Nite time, I went to cg gathering, everyone had they proper dinner but all I could have is my raisin pandan bread and a cup of warm milo. I didn't drink any coffee since I'm sick because mum and friends asked me not to. One more thing, in all of sudden, I miss durians. hee^^ I was telling my friends that I wanna get well soon because I wanna eat durians.
When I heard I have to hand in my self-reflection the next day, I'm not sure should I asked him to help me with it. I planned to type it myself as it is my own self reflection but my mind does not allow me and 3 pages is kinda hard for me to complete it on time too. But then, he helped me typing out the whole thing and allow me to have my own rest. Thank you dear! Surprisingly, when I read the document he typed on the next morning, it's all what I wanna express too. I really appreciate it when I read it.
Day 3
I woke up with tiring mind and eyes but then I have to edit self reflection that he had email me and print out presentation slides for my teammate. Reading on the self reflection that he had typed out, really touched me. I never thought that he could understand me that well cause I only give him plenty information then I slept cause of tired oredy. I was worry that he could get my words but then he did it very well. Thank you very much! After done with my assignment and updating myself at facebook, I boiled some water and poured it into my 12gallons pail, mixed it with cold water then bathe myself. I've not been properly bathe for 2days! hee...^^
Anyhow, I'm getting better today. Still need some rest but then it's getting better! ^^
Suddenly after enjoying my holidays at cameron highlands, I got sick on Monday afternoon.
I was still able to chit-chat with him on that afternoon even thought I'm really sleepy and keep on sneezing. I felt asleep half-way chatting but then as usual, he never blame, never scold every time I accidentally slept half way chatting and I'm always grateful of that. I knew being such a understanding and tolerate with me is not an easy job... ^^ It's almost evening time that my headache became more more pain and I became more ans more dizzy. I was nervous and tears start to flow out of my eyes, keep sending sms seeking for help from friends but no one replied make it worst for me (because that is our nap time). Thank God after half an hour of sms-ing, mee na replied me. ^^ and take me to clinic. Thank You mee na...
Nite, one of my coursemate was shock when she got into my room, because I was totally weak and pale, she looks worry but then I was too tired, too weak to talk to her. So, I just ignore her. ^^
Day 2
I sms-ed ah jeng to ask her to company me to clinic again today cause I felt I'm getting worst from last nite. I remembered I suffer headache and dizzy at 3am until I felt like I'm half dead oredy but then I didn't call anyone cause I don't wanna interrupt anyone selfishly. Early morning jeng came, my tears was flowing when she opened the door, after so much suffer from dizziness, a friend beside and comfort me is the most I could appreciate. We called taxi to bring us to clinic. This time, doctor said I got virus fever which causes me to felt totally weak and sometimes the pains come and sometime it goes away. If this situation continue that way, then I might have to inject H1N1 injection just in case I'm infected by it.
I slept for the whole afternoon after I came back from clinic. Only wake up to had my lunch and medicine then sleep back. Prescilla and mee ching help me in completing our group presentation in my room and I'm grateful that I've them to help and keep me on track during this period. Although, I'm sick so badly but then I still arrange gathering dinner for my cg. I didn't told you bout this because I guess you'll gonna stop me from doing it if you knew it. I even ask jeng to company me to drive bumble bee to Brian's college just to make everything easier for him and me when I need someone.
Nite time, I went to cg gathering, everyone had they proper dinner but all I could have is my raisin pandan bread and a cup of warm milo. I didn't drink any coffee since I'm sick because mum and friends asked me not to. One more thing, in all of sudden, I miss durians. hee^^ I was telling my friends that I wanna get well soon because I wanna eat durians.
When I heard I have to hand in my self-reflection the next day, I'm not sure should I asked him to help me with it. I planned to type it myself as it is my own self reflection but my mind does not allow me and 3 pages is kinda hard for me to complete it on time too. But then, he helped me typing out the whole thing and allow me to have my own rest. Thank you dear! Surprisingly, when I read the document he typed on the next morning, it's all what I wanna express too. I really appreciate it when I read it.
Day 3
I woke up with tiring mind and eyes but then I have to edit self reflection that he had email me and print out presentation slides for my teammate. Reading on the self reflection that he had typed out, really touched me. I never thought that he could understand me that well cause I only give him plenty information then I slept cause of tired oredy. I was worry that he could get my words but then he did it very well. Thank you very much! After done with my assignment and updating myself at facebook, I boiled some water and poured it into my 12gallons pail, mixed it with cold water then bathe myself. I've not been properly bathe for 2days! hee...^^
Anyhow, I'm getting better today. Still need some rest but then it's getting better! ^^
September 20, 2009
Sunday 20th Sept
I realize I often flash back to all the first time we've been together these few days. Maybe I miss him, I miss those days too much or maybe I'm fighting with my inner-self and felt like I need someone to be beside me, just to make myself feel better?? This semester is totally unpredictable, I felt like everything is a mess neither physically, mentally nor spiritually. I felt like I don't really know what am I doing sometimes. Often, I need to cheer up myself to let my working mood turned on. Sometime I do worry about myself, am I going to grade or not??
I felt sorry for my cg, coz I'm not that available not that active as the semester before. I found it hard for me to find a time that I could just totally focusing for them. But then, my mind set the intention, set the image of it but my heart felt guilty and sorry for them that I'm always full of worries about my studies and often neglected them. I asked God to help me each day, in leading and guiding this cg and I believe He is finding a way for me or maybe He did prepared a way but then it's not the right time to show?? I have no idea...
I felt sorry for my cg, coz I'm not that available not that active as the semester before. I found it hard for me to find a time that I could just totally focusing for them. But then, my mind set the intention, set the image of it but my heart felt guilty and sorry for them that I'm always full of worries about my studies and often neglected them. I asked God to help me each day, in leading and guiding this cg and I believe He is finding a way for me or maybe He did prepared a way but then it's not the right time to show?? I have no idea...
September 15, 2009
-2 weeks-
It's been 2 weeks that I didn't update this blog. Kinda hard to get stable internet connection these days. My celcom broadband is not stable as 2months before. I guess tht's wat happened when more and more ppl came to use the same internet connection here.
Let's talk bout this 2 weeks... of coz there is alot of stuff happening right here. This remind me of how dumb i am last 2 weeks ago... haha.... i've done the most stupidest decision and action... Some of u may ordy knew it... but for those who don't know.... *hehehe* I don't think I wanna mention it right here. Haha...*keep it to myself*
I drove to muar last friday for my school management assignment. I went to my previous practical school. Gosh!! How I miss that school, those students!!! Miss them so much!! I miss the small town also. Although it's just a small town, there is no big shopping complex around but the people around is nice. Well, there is a different if you compare it with big city residents. People in small town is always helpful than those in big cities. I guess it's because there is always a risk whenever u try to become helpful to others in big cities. So to avoid the risk, everyone tends to look after themselves only and depends on their own (Not everyone maybe but most of them i guess). Back to the school where I miss the most amongst all the building in muar. ^^ Again.. I miss them so much... haha... They are more than just students. ^^ They shared their personal experience, they treat me like their sister when it is outside the school, they introduce their parents, teach me where to find tasty food, teach me how to drive around the small town and so on... ^^ I'm their student when it is outside the school or maybe even outside the class. I appreciate their friendliness the most. Yea... it makes me feel comfortable with the new place. I'm glad to become their teacher for about 4months. *Hehe...* There are times when they lost control and misbehaves; and they are naughty all the time.... (yes!! i mean all the time...) but they always do apologize for their misbehaves and naughty is what makes them cute and funny. Seeing how they behave it's like seeing how did my old secondary schoolmates behave last time. Haha... Except for one or two special incidents... One thing about my students is they don't allow me to show sour face. Whenever after I shout and show them my anger, they'll always pamper me to smile first before I continue on the lesson. They reason is always "We don't like teacher to look at us with long and sour face, we want teacher to smile while teaching us." =.=!! That's why they'll make "ghost face" to cheer me up after I shouted and says "That's more like it, continue the teaching teacher!" ^^ I guess tht's y i miss them so much?? Haha... The moments I stepped out of the school last friday, it was very touching. When can I meet them again?? How bout those that I have not yet meet them?? When can I stepped into that school again?? The questions pop out in my mind. But no matter what... It'll always be a lifetime experience... a sweet ones.
Let's talk bout this 2 weeks... of coz there is alot of stuff happening right here. This remind me of how dumb i am last 2 weeks ago... haha.... i've done the most stupidest decision and action... Some of u may ordy knew it... but for those who don't know.... *hehehe* I don't think I wanna mention it right here. Haha...*keep it to myself*
I drove to muar last friday for my school management assignment. I went to my previous practical school. Gosh!! How I miss that school, those students!!! Miss them so much!! I miss the small town also. Although it's just a small town, there is no big shopping complex around but the people around is nice. Well, there is a different if you compare it with big city residents. People in small town is always helpful than those in big cities. I guess it's because there is always a risk whenever u try to become helpful to others in big cities. So to avoid the risk, everyone tends to look after themselves only and depends on their own (Not everyone maybe but most of them i guess). Back to the school where I miss the most amongst all the building in muar. ^^ Again.. I miss them so much... haha... They are more than just students. ^^ They shared their personal experience, they treat me like their sister when it is outside the school, they introduce their parents, teach me where to find tasty food, teach me how to drive around the small town and so on... ^^ I'm their student when it is outside the school or maybe even outside the class. I appreciate their friendliness the most. Yea... it makes me feel comfortable with the new place. I'm glad to become their teacher for about 4months. *Hehe...* There are times when they lost control and misbehaves; and they are naughty all the time.... (yes!! i mean all the time...) but they always do apologize for their misbehaves and naughty is what makes them cute and funny. Seeing how they behave it's like seeing how did my old secondary schoolmates behave last time. Haha... Except for one or two special incidents... One thing about my students is they don't allow me to show sour face. Whenever after I shout and show them my anger, they'll always pamper me to smile first before I continue on the lesson. They reason is always "We don't like teacher to look at us with long and sour face, we want teacher to smile while teaching us." =.=!! That's why they'll make "ghost face" to cheer me up after I shouted and says "That's more like it, continue the teaching teacher!" ^^ I guess tht's y i miss them so much?? Haha... The moments I stepped out of the school last friday, it was very touching. When can I meet them again?? How bout those that I have not yet meet them?? When can I stepped into that school again?? The questions pop out in my mind. But no matter what... It'll always be a lifetime experience... a sweet ones.
Moving out of the school, now I miss those time where 3 of us use to find good food at muar. Haha... Muar is famous for its food btw especially otak-otak. That's why we always drove around the town to find some good food for our dinner. One more thing bout muar is... the secret recepi at muar is far more delicious compared to KL and JB. We don't know why but we really enjoy the muar secret receipi and we actually miss it!!. ^^
Muar is a very small town hence there is not much place to shop. So during our practical time, when we need to do some shopping we'll drive to Melaka, which is just 30min drive from muar. We miss shopping and exploring Melaka also. Especially dataran pahlawan area and jonker walk. Satay celup and pineapple tart!! Wah!! Nice... nice!! Haha... Dataran pahlawan is good enough for us to 'shop till drop' also... It's one of our shopping paradise at the moment. Hehe... (Much much more better than JB's mall) We even can recognize Melaka's town road already. Haha...(That's show how often we went there.) Well, it's a nice place to shop and nice place to visit because of it's historical places around. =)
Picture taken before enjoying our lunch at muar secret receipi... ^^
Muar is a very small town hence there is not much place to shop. So during our practical time, when we need to do some shopping we'll drive to Melaka, which is just 30min drive from muar. We miss shopping and exploring Melaka also. Especially dataran pahlawan area and jonker walk. Satay celup and pineapple tart!! Wah!! Nice... nice!! Haha... Dataran pahlawan is good enough for us to 'shop till drop' also... It's one of our shopping paradise at the moment. Hehe... (Much much more better than JB's mall) We even can recognize Melaka's town road already. Haha...(That's show how often we went there.) Well, it's a nice place to shop and nice place to visit because of it's historical places around. =)
Picture taken before enjoying our lunch at muar secret receipi... ^^September 5, 2009
Penang trip2~
These are some of my penang trip pictures...^^
Day One
Waiting for our turn to fly up up to the sky at the boarding room..^^
We felt that Queensbay guard's uniform is unique so we took picture with them. (",)
Nice rite?? Like cowboys...
Because the sky keep on crying so we decided to fool around in queensbay. Hehe...
Even a toilet sign can be our play ground... hee...
The rain stop for a while... we ran to queensbay roundabout just to take picture... hee^^
(btw... queensbay is the biggest jusco in Malaysia now. ^^)
found dragon ball at the roundabout...^^
Penang Bridge View from outside queensbay... ^^
Day Two
Food Hunting!!!^^
Fish Fillet Tom Yam Noodle...
This is nice!! hee^^
Tom Yam Noodle with seafood (You may choose your own choice of seafood) ^^
Next Station.... Beach!!
Guess what's the name of this beach?
Day One
Waiting for our turn to fly up up to the sky at the boarding room..^^
We felt that Queensbay guard's uniform is unique so we took picture with them. (",)Nice rite?? Like cowboys...
Because the sky keep on crying so we decided to fool around in queensbay. Hehe...
Even a toilet sign can be our play ground... hee...
The rain stop for a while... we ran to queensbay roundabout just to take picture... hee^^(btw... queensbay is the biggest jusco in Malaysia now. ^^)
found dragon ball at the roundabout...^^
Penang Bridge View from outside queensbay... ^^Day Two
Food Hunting!!!^^
Fish Fillet Tom Yam Noodle...This is nice!! hee^^
Tom Yam Noodle with seafood (You may choose your own choice of seafood) ^^Next Station.... Beach!!
Guess what's the name of this beach?
After play play at the sea side must clean your feet...
The way they store water for customer to clean their legs are unique rite?? =)
Next... to nite market... (will be continue on next post)
The way they store water for customer to clean their legs are unique rite?? =)
Next... to nite market... (will be continue on next post)
September 1, 2009
Penang Trip~
Penang!! One of the place I wish to visit since my first year. The first we planned to visit is during my 3rd year but then we didn't make it that time and the ticket was burned (luckily it's just one way ticket). After then, we planned for the second time, expecting we'll have mid sem break during national day week. Even though it's not like what we expected but we still fly there coz we don't wanna miss the chance somemore. haha... But then the timing seems to be not that right... we've been there for 5days but only manage to visit few places due to the raining weather there... ^^ and we had some funny stories on the last night at penang also... haha... it's a long story... ask me personally if you wanna knw coz i don't know how to describe it with words here... haha...
well, the whole trip is fun and relaxed but it's kinda tiring when we got back coz we used bus from KL to JB on the last day. The moral is... next time don't transits bus... haha...
I've been trying to upload some pictures but my internet connection doesn't allow it. Maybe will upload again some other days...
well, the whole trip is fun and relaxed but it's kinda tiring when we got back coz we used bus from KL to JB on the last day. The moral is... next time don't transits bus... haha...
I've been trying to upload some pictures but my internet connection doesn't allow it. Maybe will upload again some other days...
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