Regrets...

This morning, when my malay coursemate asked my frens why they don't wanna go their open house and my frens answer was becoz of me. Because I didn't go then no one fetch them. I was so disappointed to hear that, they just beside me. My mind starts to wondering, do they ever think of how I'll felt when they said it that way? I did asked them whether they wanna go or not. I put their answer first to decide whether want to go or not but then... last last they throw the blame on me. I understand that they do care about what my coursemate think of them. But then, I couldn't understand that if you know you care about what people think of you then how come you don't know that I also do care about what others think of me if you said it that way?? I felt moody, sad and disappointed but then I just keep myself silent and think about what have I done, is it wrong? Is it I'm too sensitive to feel this way? Maybe they just being selfish??

Thinking about the 'selfish' because of the matter above, suddenly my mind flashed back the few mistakes that I have made... Each of us will always be controlled by our emotions i guess. Few years back, I was lost cause I couldn't bear the pain of fallen out of my last relationship. The pain changed me. I turn to be not believing in any relationship and was trying all my best to protect myself from being in love with someone. Relationship was just all about pain and disappointment. What's the used of fall in love if it's always hurt me back?? For years, I felt this way and I did some mistakes in thinking this way. Anyhow, it's lucky that I didn't go far away. Thank God that He still loves me and shows me the way to turn myself back. I admit I was wrong. I admit I did hurt someone because of this and I'm sorry for being such selfish. Not to say, the pain I suffer, the fear in me is totally gone now. The scars is still there, inside me. I learned how to live with it, how to be a better person from someone I meet during my practical and I meet another person that made me strong and brave enough to stepped out of it this year. It's God's mercy that rain upon me. He's always there protecting me from any harm. He never leave me even I'm always stubborn enough in going against Him. Maybe some people will felt bad about me but so do I. I admit because I know I'm wrong and I'm not proud of it. I admit it because I don't wanna forget the mistakes that I did, I wanna remember it and I'm willing to change from it. That's all I could say.

Night, when the sun is about to set, I told myself, "forgive and forget before sunset, then life would be much wonderful." and loving each other is all we need to learn....