Master 1st Sem

It's already the 9th week of semester, but yet, still felt nothing like i'm studying hard. I still felt like i'm still on holiday mood even thought it's been 9 weeks away from holidays. Nevertheless, it's a great and enjoyable experiences in this 9 weeks. I'm still the old style students who like slacking slacking and slacking always... and sometime i do wonder... would i be able to do the same thing if I'm not studying at malaysia. Haha... We get used to the education systems here, get used to lecturers' thinking and we know how to handle, how things works, the cultures, and that why we are immune to our surrounding here. But what if... what if I've decide to pursue my Master outside of Malaysia at the first place?? Even thought I have decided to stayed back but I still felt like wanna go out there and try... *wildness still in me*. Compared to local here, some of technology are limited and we can't really focus on our dreams of invention, cultures of industries are also totally different here and outside. It's very very obvious especially when i need to decide my thesis title, there are lots and lots of limitation have to be consider, but somehow some still achieved it and they are the ppl i really admired.

Wonder, wonder,wonder.... there is a lots and lots of wonder for the pass 9 weeks of preparing my thesis proposal. Even till now, I'm still wondering... wonder can i really make it? will I gain permission from Shell??... hmm... I don't know. Even my own supervisor told me it's hard... but still I wanna try it... at the same time, the other part of me wondering can i finish in 1 year if i failed so then?? hmm...

local uni VS oversea uni

LOCAL vs OVERSEA university== 1yr vs 3yrs
tht's the thing keep repeating in my mind recently...
mum and bro encourages to go internationally...
but then dad says... it's ok if u dun wan to...just study locally la!
Oh God.. guide me..

Back to hometown

Long time didn't update my blog already...
I lost my part-time job... but then it's a good thing for me. coz I'm back HOME..
Hometown is always the most comfortable place to hang around... Remember the time I got the sms saying my job has been canceled, I doesn't feel bad but then HOME is straight into my mind. Haha... I should say thankyou to the tuition centre... ^^

The coolest part is... my parents bought me a new bed!! and waiting for me to choose my own cupboard while I'm back.... haha... I got a new room!!! Oh YES!!

You Really Cares??

Suddenly there's so much thing struck into my mind...
For all the time.... For everyone out there... Does anyone really cares??

When you felt alone in the middle of the night, does anyone care??
When your car broke down in the middle of the road and you need help, does anyone really care??
When you struggling and you need motivation, does anyone care?
When you need a doctor but you doesn't have transports, does anyone care??
When you sacrifice yourself to compromise with others, does the person care??
When you are in hurry to catch a bus and you need help, does anyone care??
When you are trying your best to fulfilled peoples request, does anyone care??
When you just need a person to be your listener, does anyone care??
When you are broke and you needed help, does anyone care??

You know yourself..^^

New Year, New Semester, New Life....

Our lecture starts earlier this semester, because of this, most of us stay back for Christmas. My first time to spent Christmas on my own. Have nothing in mind except waiting for friends to suggest. Feeling lonely for this year Christmas, no bbq gathering at relatives house, no karaoke, no dance and no more performing family choir at my aunt's house. I miss that... ^^ Every year's Christmas celebration, we'll just go around the whole city visit our relatives. The most enjoyable is every night (from Christmas eve till New Year) my close relatives will take turn to organized some sharing in words of God, bbq, and karaoke at respective houses. ^^ Besides that, I miss doing some performing in church during Christmas too. ^^ Dancing and choir-ing to deliver the Msg of Christmas.... all this I've to put it aside this year. Huhuhuhu...

But above all, This is the most important semester for me... ^^ Have to do it well this semester, else.... results will be very poor... Hehe... Hope I can finish my thesis on time too...^^

Besides all this, I realized a New Year is coming soon too. Before I knew start to think about my new list for next year, I was surprise that I've achieve my most of my short-term goals faster that I could imaging. ^^ Thank You God!! ^^

Anyway... Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone!!! ^^

Regrets...

This morning, when my malay coursemate asked my frens why they don't wanna go their open house and my frens answer was becoz of me. Because I didn't go then no one fetch them. I was so disappointed to hear that, they just beside me. My mind starts to wondering, do they ever think of how I'll felt when they said it that way? I did asked them whether they wanna go or not. I put their answer first to decide whether want to go or not but then... last last they throw the blame on me. I understand that they do care about what my coursemate think of them. But then, I couldn't understand that if you know you care about what people think of you then how come you don't know that I also do care about what others think of me if you said it that way?? I felt moody, sad and disappointed but then I just keep myself silent and think about what have I done, is it wrong? Is it I'm too sensitive to feel this way? Maybe they just being selfish??

Thinking about the 'selfish' because of the matter above, suddenly my mind flashed back the few mistakes that I have made... Each of us will always be controlled by our emotions i guess. Few years back, I was lost cause I couldn't bear the pain of fallen out of my last relationship. The pain changed me. I turn to be not believing in any relationship and was trying all my best to protect myself from being in love with someone. Relationship was just all about pain and disappointment. What's the used of fall in love if it's always hurt me back?? For years, I felt this way and I did some mistakes in thinking this way. Anyhow, it's lucky that I didn't go far away. Thank God that He still loves me and shows me the way to turn myself back. I admit I was wrong. I admit I did hurt someone because of this and I'm sorry for being such selfish. Not to say, the pain I suffer, the fear in me is totally gone now. The scars is still there, inside me. I learned how to live with it, how to be a better person from someone I meet during my practical and I meet another person that made me strong and brave enough to stepped out of it this year. It's God's mercy that rain upon me. He's always there protecting me from any harm. He never leave me even I'm always stubborn enough in going against Him. Maybe some people will felt bad about me but so do I. I admit because I know I'm wrong and I'm not proud of it. I admit it because I don't wanna forget the mistakes that I did, I wanna remember it and I'm willing to change from it. That's all I could say.

Night, when the sun is about to set, I told myself, "forgive and forget before sunset, then life would be much wonderful." and loving each other is all we need to learn....

Can't Sleep Well

I can't sleep well last night, and I'm not sure about the reason. I felt kinda moody last tonite, after sharing all my problem with Brian after dinner. It's good to share and have someone that will to listen to you but then the problem keep flashing in my mind after I shared that's why it makes me moody I guess. I was rushing for my assignment and presentation until 3.30am but then I don't felt like sleeping after that. Well, who wanna sleep at this mood anyway? Sleeping in moody state during night always end up bad dreams and can't really rest my mind. That's why I don't felt like sleeping.
Anyhow, everyday is a brand new day!! I'll try to enjoy my day today... ^^ Going to class now...